My Story - Part 2

By the summer of 2005, there had been two major periods in my life during which I had to deal with severe anxiety, panic, agoraphobia and depression.   The first time it happened, my "cure" was simply learning what the problem was.  That's cool, but it didn't address the core issues.  The second time it happened, my "cure" was a pill.  That's not cool, because not only didn't it address the core issues, it came with all kinds of crappy side effects.  To make matters worse, when it was time to stop taking the medication, it was like being dragged over broken glass for 6 months.

I was fortunate enough to know that you just can't stop Paxil cold turkey.  I took about 3 months to taper down my dosage until I took my last fraction of a pill in September 2005.  That was still way too fast.  Within about a week, I began to notice that my overall anxiety level was rising steadily  I also found that my temper was very short and that my emotions - which had been virtually missing in action for 8 years - were now uncontrollable.   Physically, I was dealing with horrible headaches, dizziness, visual disturbances and all kinds of stomach and digestive issues.  After a month or two, the anxiety began to spawn actual panic attacks.  From there, the agoraphobic behaviors started popping up. By month three depression was on the scene.  Things were getting worse for me by the day.  By January of 2006, I was swinging wildly from anxiety to full blown panic to crushing depression every day.  I became virtually non-functional.  It was bad.  Very bad. 

Welcome to the wonderful world of antidepressant "discontinuation".   Please don't use the word "withdrawal" when referring to drugs like Paxil.  Companies like Glaxo SmithKline think its too negative sounding and we can't have anything interfering with the otherwise obscenely huge profits Paxil generates for them.    Bitter?  Nah, I'm not bitter at all.

So there I was, out on the ledge without a net below me.  It was horrific, but it left me with two options.  Go back to a pill, return to "zombie land" and mask all my problems, or get to work on myself and fix it the right way.  Most people are not aware that a sensible combination of regular exercise, healthy diet and therapy or counseling is as effective as antidepressants in the short term, and MORE effective than antidepressants over the long haul.  Its true.  Many studies have supported this conclusion.  The problem is that most people, when they are feeling so badly like I was, simply cannot wait 6 weeks for exercise, diet and therapy to kick in.  They want relief IMMEDIATELY.   Who can blame those that suffer for seeking fast relief, right?

So, come the end of January 2006, I started seeing a great therapist (NOT a psychiatrist - I had no need for more pills, thank you), I was forcing myself to exercise every day, and I was eating well.  Sure enough, my depression lifted, my anxiety started to subside, and I was getting my life back again.  I was practicing relaxation skills and other coping strategies to combat panic attacks and wouldn't you know it, it worked!  As a bonus, I was losing weight at a fast and furious pace.  

2006 had started as one of the worst years in my life.  By June, I knew that 2006 would turn out to be one of the best.

More to come in my next post ...