My Story - Part 1

I'm 42, and I've suffered with anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia and depression from time to time for the last 23 years.   This is my story.

My first panic attack came when I was 19 years old and a sophomore at a large university.  As with many people, it came "out of the blue" and I was totally convinced that I was dying.  It was, without a doubt, the most terrifying night of my life.   That was the start of 5 or 6 very difficult months filled with almost constant high anxiety, panic attacks, and mounting agoraphobic tendencies.  I managed to finish the semester with the help of my girlfriend.  She was my "safe person" when I needed help, which was quite often.  

Back home for the summer, I caught a major break when I went to see a psychologist to talk about my problem.  At my second session, he gave me a copy of Hope and Help For Your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes.  I know it sounds too good to be true, but that book stopped my anxiety and panic within a few days.  Once I could label my problem, and once I knew that it wasn't going to kill me, it went away.  I didn't have another panic attack for probably 9 years.

Fast forward to the spring of 1997.  At that point I was married and had started a business that was really taking off.  Everything was great, but panic attacks and anxiety returned with a vengeance.  Things went downhill very quickly for me, and I found myself crippled by constant anxiety, severe panic attacks, and crushing depression.  I became completely agoraphobic, unable to leave my house, within a period of weeks.  It all happened so quickly.  It was a total disaster.  My family doctor convinced me that my problem was the famous "chemical imbalance" (MUCH more on that issue later) and that Paxil was a possible answer. 

I will admit this much.  At the time, Paxil was a lifesaver.  Within a couple of weeks my depression was gone, anxiety was waning, and my panic attacks were "short circuiting" before they could really happen.  Within a month, I was back to "normal" again.  I had my life back.

Jump ahead to the spring of 2005.  Thanks to Paxil, I was 85 pounds heavier. Also thanks to Paxil, I had been making horrific financial and business decisions for about 8 years.  I had no emotions - even through the birth of my children and the death of three of my grandparents.  I was completely disconnected from my life.  I had no emotional relationship with anyone or anything.  My business was tanking and I was acting like I didn't care . My health was suffering from being so overweight.  My wife was at the end of her rope with me.  My kids, even at the tender ages of 5 and 3, knew that I couldn't be counted on for anything.  Enough was enough.   It was time to get off the Paxil, which I wasn't sure was doing anything any more anyway.

I'll end here by saying that when you stop taking a drug like Paxil after being on it as long as I was, you are entering a world of pain. 

More to come ...